My Story

Do people even blog anymore?
Or does everyone just use Facebook or Tumblr or Instagram?

Anyway, my purpose of creating this blog is because....I need somewhere to keep track of my journey in an exciting way. I don't want to just spam my family and friends with my talk about weight loss when they don't actually care. If anyone does care, then they can just find me here.

So, from the top....here we go!

I've been overweight for the majority of my life. I remember being a mostly happy little kid, but somewhere between my parents getting divorced and moving 3 hours away from my dad, I remember the conversation about my weight happening the first time. First I remember my brother, Ernie, saying something. I think he must have overheard my mom on the phone with someone, voicing her concerns about my weight. I don't remember Ernie's exact words, to be honest, but it was something along the lines of "Mom says your fat and she doesn't want you to end up looking like ______." The reason I'm leaving that blank is because I was compared to a family member, and I try to avoid hurting people's feelings.

Then, I remember my mom talking to me. I remember her calling me into her room and sitting down on her bed, and talking about healthy choices. Mind you, I was only about 7 or 8 at this point. Again, I don't remember the specifics, and my mom never blatantly said "lose weight," but now, I look back knowing my mom wanted me to lose weight. This was the start of my very unhealthy relationship with food. Or maybe it was just the first time I became aware of it. It's hard to pinpoint something like that. Obviously if my weight had already become a concern, then I'd already been using food as a coping mechanism...right? Probably.

Anyway, years went on. I remember in 5th grade going to our family doctor, Dr. Thompson. I stood on the scale and I weighed in at 120 lbs at the ripe age of 11 years old. While that isn't terrible, it isn't exactly ideal either. I asked Dr. Thompson if 120 was high, and his response was "Well, if you can maintain that weight then you will be fine." So, what I heard was Stay this weight for a year or so when he probably actually meant Stay this weight for the rest of your life. For comparison, 120 lbs is currently the ideal weight for my height of 5'2.

I started getting teased in 5th grade, too. A boy who I had a crush on started calling me "Tubbaroo" and while the nickname is unique, it really hurt my feelings. In 6th, I had a solid group of friends who would stand up for me when people would talk crap, and it mostly stopped. In 8th grade I was about 175 and I made a New Year Resolution to lose 30 lbs. I worked a little harder in athletics at school and tried to make healthier choices when at home. I lost some weight, but it wasn't fast enough to make me happy. That summer I became friends with a girl who was a junior in high school. She was a bulimic. She never really told me about it, and definitely didn't tell me to try it, but learning about it made me think "That's what I need to be doing to lose weight." So I did that for a few months and lost a few more pounds. Then once I started high school I didn't ever eat breakfast or lunch, only dinner at home, and it was usually just something small. So in that year I got down to my goal weight of about 145, but it didn't last for long. In the summer of 2008, this guy who I dated for about 2 months broke up with me. Rumors flew that it was because I wasn't skinny enough. Instead of continuing my unhealthy weight loss habits, I went the total opposite direction and started binge eating. Like, every day. I couldn't tell you why I started doing it...maybe all of that hunger from the previous year caught up with me.

Fast forward to now, I'm currently at.........223 lbs. I haven't publicly shared that number with anyone, and it isn't even my highest weight. I've already lost 20 lbs since the beginning of the year, thanks to a low carb diet. I did it for about 2 months and have stopped since. I'm starting it up again and am exercising also. I'm getting married to a wonderful man named Aaron in November. I bought a dress already that is a size 18 and it fits me as of now. But, I think I'm going to go ahead and make the sacrifice and keep working toward my goal. If I have to I'll buy a dress off the rack and pin it up to fit. I just can't keep making excuses. I want to feel good in my skin at my wedding.

So, my friends, this is my journey: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Let's make it happen!